Monday, 30 April 2012

Throbbing Pain

I have been suffering from shoulders and back pain for quite awhile now. No, it has actually been like that since I was in Standard 5. The year where I joined a camping for all the Felda workers' kids. There was this one time when they told us to sit straight and don't hunch. And I didn't. And the pain started on my left shoulders. And now bot of my shoulders are in throbbing pin. Sometimes, it even radiates to my backbone and to the muscles situated next to both of the shoulder blades. I feel like I am losing control on my own body. Why did I hesitate to see doctor before? Now, it's too late. There is nothing that can be done.

My cousin said that I need to do MRI, CT Scan on my neck and shoulders because I said I always have cramp on my left said of the neck. That started when I was in Form 2. I was lying on my stomach and suddenly Alang and Muiz pulled a prank and scared me to death. I turned my head to my left side to quick and the cramp started. It was like I can't move and if I move even a little bit, the pain was unbearable. It was like my muscle was cut with a knife. I dunno how to explain the pain.

The doc asked me to do physiotherapy. I dunno whether I needed one or not. I dunno whether I need it now. I just lose all the hope I once have. I dunno if there's any cure. I feel the pain every second and everyday of  my life. Cereblex or anything won't do. I don't need a painkiller because the pain would haunt me back. Why can't anybody understands me?

I can't sit straight for more that 15 minutes. I can't lay on my back without feeling the pain all over my back. I can't wake up easily in the morning without the pain crawling on my shoulders and my back.

Mom, I am not putting it all on you. See, I told you, I don't need a massage. I need a doctor, since the very beginning. Even if you massage me, there's nothing happening. The pain would ease away, then it would come back. It has been 8 years, why didn't you bring me to hospital? Don't put the blame on others because it is my fault.

Dear Allah, take this pain away from me please.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Too many things happening but I dunno where to start *freak out

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Most Compassionate.

Assalamualaikum. Alhamdullilah, hari ini hari Jumaat, hari penuh berkat.

Entah, lately ni aku rasa macam aku kena uji banyak gila. Lesen, family, duit, MEdSI. Entah. Banyak benda buat aku terasa, buat aku menangis, buat aku berjauh hati, buat aku rasa macam malas nak buat apa apa pun. Aku cuma rasa nak tidur dan harap esok datang dengan cepat, dan semua jadi baik semula. Dan itu waktu aku rasa beratnya diuji.

Hari Jumaat ni 27/4, alhamdullilah, aku dapat berita gembira. Syukran ya tuhan.