Randomness

In the name of Allah the Most Merciful and Most Gracious.

This is the third week. I'm having a hard time digesting all the lectures. Even literature. What is happening to me. I have to pick up all the pieces of semangat I have left and be more enthusiastic. I have to. Learning is an ibadah. And if I want to be loved by Allah and Rasullulah SAW for chasing after knowledge, then, I have to do it well.

So, please pray for me. I have to be strong. I have to be happy. I have to let myself be happy. And I must not be a burden to others. And I must not be a popcorn-person. Lol, popcorn as in talking to much. O, talkative mynah. No, I don't want that kind of reputation. No no no no no no no.

Night, loves!

Assalamualaikum.

Barakallahu fiq <3

Assalamualaikum.

Bismillah.

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Most Gracious.

Minggu ni adalah minggu ujian. Bukan ujian dari universiti. Tapi ujian dari Allah. Dan terang-terangan aku rasa aku hanya layak dapat F. Yes, red, capital F. Entah kenapa, bila kaki dah menjejak ke fasa degree ni, rasa makin tak kuat. Dulu, walaupun aku kepala angin, aku masih boleh bersabar. Walaupun muka mendung kena bahan, tapi beberapa hari lepas tu, aku dah boleh senyum.

Tapi, bila kat sini, kenapa aku tak sekuat dulu? Kenapa aku rasa macam aku mudah lemah semangat? Kenapa aku rasa macam semua benda walaupun sekecil kecil benda, aku kena menangis? Kenapa mudah sangat air mata nak keluar?

Moga, otak mula kata, "Tak payah malu nak menangis. Menangislah kalau tu akan hilangkan beban kau".

Dan, hati kata, "Allah kan ada?"

Astaghfirullah, aku tak kuat. I'm no robot.

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a., Nabi SAW bersabda: "Bukanlah orang gagah itu, orang yang kuat bertinju. Akan tetapi, orang yang gagah adalah orang yang dapat mengawal diri ketika marah."
(Riwayat Al Bukhari dan Muslim)

Daripada Abu Said al-Khudri r.a., Nabi SAW bersabda: "Seseorang itu tidak dikurniakan suatu pemberian yang lebih baik dan lebih luas daripada sabar."
(Riwayat Al Bukhari)

This would be the weird-one-out post where I don't give salaam before I start. Bear with this.

So, here are some thoughts of mine. Some might say I am overly exaggerated in this, I am being ungrateful, I am being this, I am being that, yadda yadda yadda --STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU ARE IN A NO POSITION OF SAYING I AM ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH AND WHAT I AM GOING AND WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.

If you think this post will annoy the hell outta you, then you better leave now. There's the red X button there. Click it.

But, if you are still here, at least try to understand me, and what kind of situation I'm in right now. I don't need people to tell me what to do, because my parents would do that. I need someone to listen, to not judge and just listen.

So, here's the thing. I am now a student in some university. The students from my courses are great. They are the reason why I decided to keep on going, apart from Allah keep on giving me strength day by day. Alhamdulillah.

*Fajr's Azan*

You know what are the things that make me wanna run away so far that nobody could trace me, nobody could fine me?

1. People keep on saying that this university is the best in Malaysia, yadda yadda yadda. WELL GUESS WHAT? IT'S NOT THE BEST. BECAUSE NOW THE BEST UNIVERSITY IS SOME OTHER UNIVERSITY. SO DEAL WITH IT. Don't get all proud and snobbish just because you guys, the students learn here. It's nothing man. You are saying that you are smart? But then, how come I see so many words coming out of your mouths are bullshit? How many thing that you've done that don't portray yourself as someone intellect? Show me, which part of you guys are so smart to underestimate other people. WHICH FREAKIN' PART, SHOW ME! YES, NOW, I'M FREAKIN' PISSED!

2. I didn't like it here before, I am trying to adapt to all these things because I know it's too soon to judge anyway. But you know what, I regretted with all too-soon-to-judge thingy. You guys all are just a bunch of people who are so self-centered, who are such a snob, who think you are good enough but you are not any of those things.  YOU PROVED ME WRONG. Some might say, hey, you can simply judge the whole thing by just one bad thing. Human makes mistake. GUESS WHAT? I DON'T JUDGE BASED ON ONE PERSON WHO DID ONE MISTAKES. IT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE, MAKING MISTAKES AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND THEY DON'T EVEN CARE TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

3. I'm stupid, aite? So, you are saying that you are smart enough? Let me tell you this, smart people don't go around and tell people "Hey, I'm smart". NO.