Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Horrible things

In the name of Allah, Most Merciful and Most Compassionate.

Lately there's been lots of horrible things happening around us. Either it is inside or outside of Malaysia, well, still horrible things are happening and have happened everywhere. Could this be the sign that The Day of Apocalypse is nearly approaching us? Nauzubillahiminzalik.

1. Bullying. Well, this has been viral lately because of Amanda Todd. Boo-hoo, don't tell me you don't know about this, it was spreading like a wildfire. In newpapers, on the internet, youtube and stuffs. This girl, Amanda Todd ended up committing suicide. Yes, see, how serious the issue on bully is? Very serious, indeed.

This is Amanda Todd. She posted her story on Youtube and people still kept on tormenting her. And she feels like nobody cares about her so she decided to commit suicide.

2. Dumping babies. My goodness, in Malaysia, people dump babies like they dump wet nappies or rubbish or stuffs. Babies are not to be thrown, they are to be loved by parents, to be nourished with love and compassion from their parents. One mistake is enough when you commit with adultery, and then you add up some more to the already-sky-high pile by dumping your babies. I keep on wondering, don't you feel anything when you dump the baby? Don't you feel pity or sympathy for the baby, or guilty for bailing out of your responsibility?

Stop dumping and be a responsible human being instead.

3. Political corruption. This is everywhere and needless to say that I don't like talking about politics much because some might just go retarded all the way and keep on standing up for which party they prefer. So, yep, not a single word on this.

I am not this Missus Goody Two Shoes who knows about everything, who cares about everything, who never make mistakes, who always do good, who never commit to sinful deeds. No, I am this human, this girl that never stop making mistakes but hoping that someday this world would be a better, a safer place for everyone where there'll be no people who tease others, people who are being prejudice, making fun of others' problems and stuffs.

I don't do big changes. But I am hoping to do some small changes in the world. Insyaallah.

May Allah bless!

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Randomly random

Here are the lists of randomness that are colliding in my mind:

1. I think basketball is awesome because it is quite a manly sport and doesn't have too many rules like netball. And netball players have to wear skirt which is a huge no no for me. Lol I don't know why but I think guys and girls who play basketball are awesome. Not that I am saying I, myself is awesome. No no, I am not a basketball player. I am just goofing around, making sure I sleep with exhaustion every night from goofing around with basketball. Lol, I am weird. I know.

2. I think Syafiq is being a pain in the butt because he doesn't want to tell me his problem. It's not like I am saying that I can help him, like a therapist should. But at least I can lean a virtual shoulder for him to cry on, or maybe talk about his problems. At least, I can help by listening. But he won't let me. He doesn't even reply my infinity numbers of texts. And I am officially aggravated. He has annoyed me, and I still think he is annoying till this point. I don't know. I just hope he's okay. You know, mending inside and out. I just want the old him. Or is it too much to ask? I don't know..

3. I don't mind if you are not long-hijabeds. As long as you wear a hijab and you cover everything that should be covered, then, I am feeling more than awesome. I feel like as if I am running on streaks of rainbow. Imagine the awesomeness I feel. The thing here is, just don't have this double standard to those who wear long hijabs and to those that are free-hairs. You know? It's not our right to judge unless we work as a judge in court, if you know what I mean. Let Allah judges everything, aite?

4. I love ice-cream and I love eating ice-cream when it is raining.

5. I love to walk in the rain because it makes me imagine things of what will I do if I have the chance to walk in the rain with my future husband. You know, every single time I walk in the rain, I will laugh because I imagine I will be walking in the rain and he will keep on pushing the rain to my side and I will lean on him, devour the smell of him in the rain as much as I can, enjoying every second in the rain. See? I am kinda corny sometimes. And this is one of the reasons why I think I have to get married asap.

6. My type of husband would be someone who can hold my hand and walk with me to Jannah. It would be more than enough if he can support me, and the family we will soon start insyaallah. Hiks. Dowry would be a silver ring (?) and pair of skating shoes. 

7. I want to memorise Surah Luqman, insyaallah.

8. I like the smell of the grass after rain. I like the smell of Comfort's Ultra Morning Fresh Softener because it reminds me of the smell of vanilla.  I like the smell of pages of new books. I like smelling old books.

9. I like answering questions and I like to ask. And this is one of the reasons why I want to be a teacher. 

10. I used to be this obnoxious, sickening, annoying monster. But now, I am more like Shrek. You know, looking bad and scary on the outside, but is good on the inside. Well, I am not applying the idea that I am a good girl now. No no. I am in the path of trying to be better, insyaallah!

What are you looking at?

Toodles. Assalamualaikum. May Allah bless (:

Sunday, 7 October 2012

"No matter how many times I try to calm my heart, the pain just never leaves me."


Have you ever had the feelings where you are very very sad about something but you have no one to turn to? Even if there are, the advises they gave just don't help you at all. You don't feel at ease, but you feel even more depressed because it seems like you can't find the solution and running away from the problems won't help at all.

I have lots of people I can turn to, but it seems like, nobody cares to listen and nobody even care to ask in the first place. How is it fair when I ask people for help and they don't help me and when they ask for my help, I try my best to help them? Where is the justice?

And this is the part where I start to have the deep-thinking moment where I think back why is that people's advises never help me. Oh, yes, I am all too closed-up. I never tell people the real thing. I never tell my friends about everything. I never tell my parents exactly what happen because I don't want them to freak out.

So, it all comes back to me. I am the problem here. I don't talk much about my personal thing, my personal feelings, what I think about this, what I think about that, what is my darkest of darkest secret. I just don't tell. There's no such thing as kiss and tell in my life.

I know the feelings when I bottled up lots of things in a very long time and I just want to explode and shout to everyone but in the end I just go to sleep or cry in the shower. I never tell exactly how I feel. And it's a no wonder I am unpredictable and mysterious as what people around me told me so.

But, when people around me don't understand me because I am too quiet about everything about myself, I have the faith that Allah listens to every cry in my heart, every sadness I feel, every tears that don't goes out from my eyes. I know He listens. And I know deep down Allah is testing me to see whether or not I am strong enough, to see whether or not I am someone who will turn to Him or otherwise.

Be strong, Munierah Ainaa Mukhtar because verily, behind every pain there is something to be gained. Insyaallah.

May Allah bless.