Sunday, 24 May 2015

Unrealistic expectations and standards set upon future partners got me like WHUUUUUUUT

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious and Most Merciful

Yes I have a test at 1 tomorrow and another on Thursday. And yes I haven't even started studying yet. But this thing about setting such high expectations and standards upon future partners has been bugging me since forever.

I don't know how to categorize myself. I am NEITHER those typical gadis melayus who wear baju kurung all the time, like super feminine and know their ways around kitchen and are great with older people NOR those girls who feel uncomfortable wearing baju kurung, extremely tomboyish, and have no idea how to cook or communicate and joke around with the elderly. Yeah I may be a bit tomboyish and sometimes I think baju kurung is created just for the sake of limiting my steps and curbing me from raising my feet above my knees. But I do know my way around kitchen and I can cook (some if not many) types of food.

I just read the other day about this one guy thinks that girls who are unable to do basic electric and pipe repairing, can't cook and do chores and take care of kids, wake up super late as incompetent to be his future wife. I don't mind people setting such expectations and standards upon their future partners. I do get it; you are going to live with this person for the rest of your life (if your jodoh with that person is panjang lah). But, are you as much as equipped as your future wife? Can you do basic electric and pipe repairing? Can you cook and do laundry and tend to your future children? Do you wake up early everyday?

All I am saying is that, we should all know our place. We too are incompetent in some areas. And what is wrong with learning how to cook and do chores after married? Doesn't that prove that your significant other is willing to change for the better for you, for your own good, to make you happy?

Girls too, sometimes forget our place, don't we? We want boys who are like super religious, and handsome and basically have perfect character. I personally want my future husband to be a non-smoker, has long hair and/or beard, pray five times a day, and know how to do basic chores like laundry and washing dishes. However, I was told all these characteristics I want in my future husband to be unrealistic and too good to be true. I, sadly, have to agree with the aforementioned statement. It is true. I have seen my cousins whale around in front of tv while their wives and mothers are jumping and running around the kitchen, serving them food in front of their faces, tending them hand to foot. This sight angers me. I don't want my family to be like this.

If the said notion were to be practiced in the 80's, I would agree. But right now, we have women who have careers. What is wrong with sharing and doing chores together? Rasullulah SAW helped his wives sewing and taking care of the kids while they were busy cooking.

I was told many times that I would never have anyone to seek for my hand in the future because I am too outspoken for my good. I speak my mind and criticize everything I see whenever I have my chances to do so. I don't think I should cook just because it is compulsary for girls to learn how to feed their future husbands. Rather I think I should cook because I wanna to. I don't think guys can sit around and do nothing while girls stay in the kitchen because that's where they belong. My cousins said guys don't like girls who are too tomboyish, independent and smart. You know what? I don't give a damn. I am not going to succumb to the social convention that dictates me to be feminine, domestic goddess, and obedient. You want that kind of wife, you go ahead and find one. Don't tell me what I need to be and I needn't be.

I don't know where am I going with this but I hope you see my point. Have a nice day.

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